If character shows when nobody is watching us, I need to recognize it. I’ve been making a public show of my habit-building challenge. I wanted everybody to see the struggle to write every day with mixed results: some free-flowing brainwriting, some well-researched pieces, some wanderings in the random realm of the moment. After so many days, I’ll need to check my list to see today’s number. I still come back here to share my thoughts. Still, I am failing at planning, researching, reasoning, and preparing a well-crafted article. I can only perceive, distinctly, the improved fluency when I write. I got enough of spelling-checker, preparing the draft to be revised, bolding words to break the dullness of a wall of text, the concern about readability. I just write.
I am unsatisfied. I still am. I was more accurate and used to write more deeply when my schedule was erratic or once per week. The pain was more brutal, the research, the infinite draft, the hell of the revision. But I was publishing articles deserving the name. Now I have disconnected thoughts, spitting from my fingers in that moment of the day when I remember, OH, I need to write. So I am not hiding behind a finger. I am just living this daily challenge as it comes.
Day by day.