I’ve been preparing for the launch of this moment for some decades. I still remember desiring a project of my own when I started to write for a specialized printed magazine in the 90s. And then for another. And I was then participating in several start-ups, ventures, courses, schools, films, videogames. I always wanted to have a product, a service, a community. And I also tried a few times. With software, first. It took me so close to the occasion of my life, but I was too young to catch it. With an online community, then, but it wasn’t, in the end, what I wanted. So I resume dreaming.
Now that I have a project that excites me, that keeps me awake at night with the fire of creativity. That evokes closer dreams of achievement. Now that I have been preparing all the materials, the websites, the newsletters, the forums.
Now that I am at 48 hours from the official launch: I feel sick.
I didn’t have a cold nor the flu in three years—the time when I decided to walk at least one hour per day. I have been walking for 3’000 km since then—about 80 Km per month. And my life changed. Oh, woman, if it changed. Of all the benefits that I started to get: avoiding colds and flu were among the best.
And now that I need to have all of my energies and enthusiasm, I have this piercing pain in my ear. Soft sounds rumble like explosions in my head, and I can barely concentrate on writing.
No fever, no other symptoms, so I don’t think I need to worry about other significant problems.
So, what is it? Why did I take this minor obstacle as the perfect excuse to avoid working and facing this exciting new beginning?
That’s what it is.
The fear of failure. The uncertainty of exposing myself. The fear of discovering that this project is not what I am expecting. The fear of not being up to the level of conducting it.
I am wiser and better equipped than in the past. When on these occasions, I would have remained paralyzed. In the flee or fight, the former would have been the choice.
But not now.
I’ve prepared all things needed for the first cohort of my CREAZEE Challenge.
Everything is ready as I am.
Despite some small impediments and unreasonable feelings, I am ready.
I am CREAZEE.